before the day.

recommended track : Kris Allen - Live Like We're Dying

24 January 2010.
I know I shouldn't stay up late since tomorrow is Monday.
but, I've decided to settle a lot of things between me and the rules.
I just need some spaces... I will put the link soon.
LOL.

I want to post something in my Wordpress.. but when I remember that I need to pay to get a REAL id... maybe someday. :P

I played a lot lately... when I want to study, many things distracted me many times...
maybe I will do something different tomorrow...

I'll make my to-do-list this two month :
1. settle things with the student council
2. practicing japanese... it's hard to do since i don't have anyone to speak to in Japan language.
3. start cycling every afternoon... if I'm not too tired after school...
4. clean up my room every week... *a big cleanup for every weak and a REAAALLY big cleanup every month*
5. stop being a loser... *i don't know what to write anymore... suddenly become dead-sleepy*


we decide, we try, we wait...

still here.

recommended track : none at this time. :P

09 January 2010.
becoz of there's this lyric that succeed for touching my heart. I want to share it... :). U can get the link to download this song at my previous entry : confession.

***___***

DBSK/Tohoshinki/TVXQ - Stand By U

kimi ga sayonara wo tsuge zuni dete itta ano hi kara
kono machi no keshiki ya nioi ga kawatta ki ga suru yo
kimi no subete ni naritakute kawashita yakusoku mo
hatasarenai mama omoide ni, kawatte shimau

Since the day you left without a word of goodbye
I felt that the image and atmosphere of the streets have changed
My promises to you that I would change to be everything for you
Has become old thoughts (memories) before they can actually happen


hitori kiri de kimi ga naita ano toki
sugu ni tonde yukeba ima mo mada kimi wa boku no yoko ni, ite kureta?
dekiru naraba mou ichido ii takatta, ‘daisuki’ tte
kimi he no omoi wo afure dashita kotoba mo, ima wa todokanai

The times when you were crying by yourself
If only I had came to you, would so still now be by my side?
If I could say again that ‘I love you’
But I know that my words overflowing with thinking of you, can no long reach you now


kimi wa doko ni ite? dare to doko ni ite? donna fuku wo kite?
nani shite waratterun darou?
boku wa koko ni ite, ima mo koko ni ite
kimi to futari de mata, aeru to shinjiteiru yo

Where are you now? Who are you with? What clothes are you wearing?
Why are you smiling?
I am here, even now I am still here
Believing that the two of us can still meet again


Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

kawarazu, omotte iruyo
Thinking of you endlessly


Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

kimi dake, omotte iruyo
Only thinking of you


musun da kami no ushiro sugata ni kimi wo kasanete
furikaeru shiranu dare ka ni, nando mo kanchigai shita
chakushin ga aru do, kimi no namae kitai shitari

You behind me, with your tied hair
Asking me to guess who you are
And expecting me to say your name


kakko warui mainichi bakari, sugite yukuyo
wasurerarenai itsutte uso de hontou wa wasuretakunai dake
tsuyogari ga bokurashisa naraba, mou iranai
kimi ga inakya nando mo kanjinai, shiawase tte

Just the two of us doing these day by day
When I say I don’t want to forget you, I really meant it. I really can’t forget you
No matter how strong to force myself to be, you’re no longer here
When you’re not here, I can’t feel anything, like happiness


dou ganbatte mitemo kobore ochita namida wa, suguni tomaranai
kimi wa doko ni ite ? dare to doko ni ite ? donna fuku wo kite ?
nani shite waratterun darou?
boku wa koko ni ite, ima mo koko ni ite
kimi to futari de mata, aeru to shinjiteiru yo

No matter how hard I try my tears just won’t stop
Where are you now? Who are you with? What clothes are you wearing?
Why are you smiling?
I am here, even now I am still here
Believing that the two of us can still meet again


dakara ima koushite, boku wa mata hitori kimi no namae yonderu
kore ijou setsuna sawo dakishimete, yukeru wakenadonai yo
demo sore shikanai~n dayo

And I am still here by myself, calling out your name
Even though I don’t have to embrace this pain anymore
I just can’t help doing it


kimi ga iru dakede, kagayaite mieta
ano goro wa nidoto, modotte wa konai kedo
nani ga okottemo, nani wo ushinatte mo
kimi wo aishita koto, kesshite wasuretakunai

The times when you were just here, making my life shine
I know that those times won’t happen again for a second time
No matter what happens, no matter how lost I become
I’ve decided to never forget that I have loved you


kimi ga doko ni ite? dare to doko ni ite? donna yume wo mite
nani shite waratte ite mo?
zutto koko ni ite, ima mo koko ni ite
kimi to itsu no hi ka, aeru to shinjiteiru yo

Where are you now? Who are you with? What are you dreaming about?
What are you doing to make you smile?
I am always here, even now I am still here
Believing that one day, the two of us will meet again


Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

kawarazu, omotte iruyo
Thinking of you endlessly


Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

kimi dake, omotte iruyo
Only thinking of you

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

kawarazu, omotte iruyo
Thinking of you endlessly


Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

kimi dake, omotte iruyo
Only thinking of you


Only thinking of you... :)

jadi gini ceritanya.

recommended track : Super Junior - Wonder Boys

03 January 2010.
Indonesian mood : ON
tadi barusan aja nonton interview salah satu idol group di bagian Asia Timur. :P
gila... fansnya ampe becucuran aer mata gitu.
jadi ingat konsernya MJ (Jacko.red), para fansnya pingsan malah gara-gara ngeliat MJ muncul dibanding karena kehabisan O2. nah loh... binun akunya... (manusia modern bernapas pake apa sih? :P)

gimana ya... umm... susah juga ngomongnya.
well, diriku ini juga punya banyak stars yang ku-fans-nin. tapi... sesayang-sayangnya aku sama mereka, aku masih lebih sayang sama diriku sendiri... jadi kemungkinanku untuk jadi seorang obsessed-fan kurang lebih adalah 0,00001%. liat tuh... aq gak bilang NOL lho ya...

kalo harus nangis teruhuk-uhuk saat menemui si star... umm... aku harus mikir dua kali sepertinya... selaen karena muka nangisku nggak sefotogenik para artis seneteron, aku jarang bawa tissue and klo aq nangis biasanya langsung meler aja... ahahaha. gak nyambung ama logika yang berusaha kujaring sebenernya... (jaring ikan kale... hahay)

mank pasti ada alasan kenapa qt ngefans sama si star. nge-fans = merhatiin. qt merhatiin si star, tros masa waktu buat qt merhatiin diri sendiri juga musti disetor ke sana sih? kan pasti ada juga batasnya... nggak perlu ampe beli boneka voodo trus nyantet pacar si star kan...? (hiperbol abiz...)

bisa aja sih bikin diri sendiri melayang gara-gara ada beberapa tipe favorit si star yang klop sama diri qt ini... tapi kan, jalan ke 'sana' (menemui si star, ngedate etc. :)) itu sendiri harus kita yang usaha... nggak bisa ngayal sekali langsung jadi aja...

aq sebenernya bukan orang yang pantes untuk bicara soal realita. Karena hari ini nyaris 12 jam sudah namaku melayang di dunia virtual. ahaha. sekarang udah jam 12, dan aku belon tidur gara-gara nunggu donlotan. :P

tapi... menurutku... seseorang pantas diperhatiin ato di-fans-nin gara-gara ada kualitas tambahan yang mereka miliki sebagai seorang manusia... tapi bukankah setiap manusia berbeda?

yang perlu qt lakukan untuk bisa 'mencapai' mereka kan hanya menemukan kualitas terbaik dari diri qt dan mungkin dari situ qt semua sama-sama bisa menyanjung diri sendiri tanpa perlu jadi overly-crazy-obsessed fans buat orang lain. jadi... sebelum qt semua jadi fans buat orang lain... lebih baek kalo qt jadi fans nomor satu buat diri kita ini.

ahaha.. tumben aq bisa sekalean menyalurkan kenarsisan... (eh? jadi post-post sebelonnya gak narsis gitu ya...?). hohohoho.


jadi... LIFE GOES ON, right?

confession.

recommended track : Orianthi - According To You
Greenday - Wake Me Up When September Ends
DBSK - Stand By U
Backstreet Boyz - Bigger
DBSK - Insa

25 December 2009.
Because this post will be so long and tiring, I included FIVE recommended tracks for y'all... :D
this post will also be a gift for myself... since it's been so long since I type so many long words.

My favorite is Stand By U... although it's sad, somehow I feel some exact 'faith' inside the lyric.

oh-oh... and also the last one, by DBSK too, 'INSA' is about farewell...
I take that as my symbol to say goodbye to my 'old-self'. Because from this age, I decide to move on and build the 'new-me'. I will face the world through different point of view...

2010 will be my last year to show the society that I am good enough... because after this year I will officially join the 'real' society. Well... At some points, I still wish I could go back... :'(

So, since tomorrow will be my another birthday...
I want to make a summary about what I've found about myself in this whole year...
A summary from 1 to 16. Since I am going to be 16 tomorrow....

1. Oh... how I wish I could know my Lord earlier and better. At this age, I think it's the first time I feel so close to Allah... now, I could learn to accept everything happened in my life, and doesn't give a damn about what 'those-certain-people' think of it...

Many thanks to my Lovely One, for having me survived all of these years without any intention of doing suicide... LOL.


2. I feel so lucky to know two most gorgeous men in the world in only one year. Those two who've been saving me a lot from insanity. I feel like they're being sent by Allah to be my guardian angels... *haha... a girl's expectation...*


3. I just realized a thing. I could be more dependable and could stand alone when I'm away from home... the fact is just I turn to be a baby when I'm in my most comfortable places. So, in this case, I always try to get out from my lap so that I could grow up properly.


4. Now that I notice, I could like any work created if I could like the person who made it first. Like in my school, I could like the subject once I could 'fall-in-love' with the teacher first... no matter how hard the subject could be, I can bear it as long as the teacher is my 'type'. LOL. (-_-)y. And this is also the reason why I love Gackt-san and DBSK.


5. I hate being commanded by some incompetent men... they always freak me out. I could be alarmed by my instinct when these kind of people are around. When you accidentally find me sneaking out at someplace, you may say that I'm trying to avoid 'them' and get away from their presence.


6. I am moody. I am weird. I am selfish. I am self-centered. I am dominant. Got problems with that? Go and try finding another good friend...! I don't need people who don't accept me the way I could be.


7. Just shut the hell up..! If you don't want to be beaten by me, you better stay quiet. I could say more irritating things to you, but I just don't have the heart to do so. I still have my moral... try to think about it... do you have some?


8. At last, my internet connection was fixed last week so that I could post many things I want... ahahahaha. ... I couldn't live without yooouuuu!!!!


9. Hey... my favorite number...! It's hard to find my real interest lately... so that I heard about Noryoku Shiken, my ambition is burning up!!! Like what I've said in number 3... I need to get away from this place if I want to be more competent. So many thanks for my Lovely Lord to give me this beautiful chance... LOVE IT!!!


10. REGRET IS ALWAYS USELESS. You can waste your whole time regretting something. As for me, I will be down for some minutes and then I have to grow up and find another useful things to do!!! Try to make something new!!!


11. I love singing... I have a dream to be a singer. I hope some creative managements could actually spot my talent and help me achieve my dreams!!! LOL.


12. I hope I could do well next year without being sick. Many things happened and I just swallowed up everything I saw. It always make my daily routines got ruined and then I ended up lying down on the bed, couldn't do nothing...


13. The people of the world started being crazier at the end of this year... I don't want to be affected by their insanity. Still... I hope my two guardian angels could still watch me and miss me so much... XD.


14. I want to experience many shocking moments.!! I hope I could build so many exciting stories so I can tell so many fun to my children-in-the-future... LOL. I cannot cope with boredom... it's almost killing me this year... I need to GET OUT from here!!!!!!!!!


15. I have a target of dieting for next year. I want to exercise so much but being occupied by school's tasks could get me nowhere but being tired all the day... I hope it won't be another time-wasting like what I've done before...


16. Finally, the last one...
I hope I could find the RIGHT ONE soon...
I hope I could go to Japan soon after passing my Noryoku Shiken..
I hope I could be more loved by my Lovely One...
I hope I could survive next year... XD.
I hope I could give and accept the best for everything I do and done.


GANBATTE!!!! LOVE YOU ALL...


HOPE Y'ALL COULD FIND MORE HAPPINESS LIKE WHAT I'M TRYING TO SEEK RIGHT NOW!!

grow up.

recommended track : Leona Lewis - Happy

23 December 2009.
3 days before my bday.

so... here I am..
passing my tests and get my results...
argh... my biology sucks like what I have expected before...
I don't really know why does it turn out like that.

maybe because somehow in the middle of my youth, studying with the people who couldn't make me feel comfortable crazily affect my ability to think about some subjects.
I just couldn't appreciate them as much as I did at the first place and... VOILA! my scores started worsening.

well... gotta find another future-career then... I couldn't expect myself to be a surgeon that much anymore... I mean, just look at those scores, ah... they still irritate me!!!

maybe I should be an explorer or tour guide or photographer or any job that can take me to go around the world. Boredom is the biggest killer machine, you know..!

So please, My Lovely LORD... please take me away from here...

for my bday present, I wish for nothing but just please get me outta here..!!!
Help me pass my Noryoku Shiken and then I could go to Japan...
from then, I could naturally feel my real emotions again...


no matter how I think and feel about it... the fact cannot be changed : adults are the worst.